Fuzzy stuff
by LadyNightRunner
Summary: This why Angeal shouldn't wander around the house without a shirt on. Cue confusion, semi-nudity, Loz being himself, Tifa being flabbergasted, and a bunch of men lined up in the living room.


I'm afraid I have no explanation for this one. It started as a snippet, then was shown to an author Sin and I are extremely fond of on DA, and was turned into an offering for an art trade. It's silly. It's juvenile. It's probably more than you wanted to know. But it amused me, and right now, that's all that matters.

* * *

There were better ways to be woken up on a Saturday morning than by screaming. Especially when you had spent more time than you liked to think about fighting for your life, so screaming at any time meant someone near you was being mauled. Even more so when it was before 7am the morning after a very busy night.

Then again, Tifa was the woman in charge of two children, three teenagers, and an adult who often behaved like he was twelve. She ought to expect those sorts of noises.

The source of the screaming went tearing past her bedroom, presumably headed for the back of the house and the new addition that housed most of the household's newest members. A few moments later, someone knocked at her door.

"Come in," she called groggily, checking to make sure she had gone to bed in pajamas and not stark naked.

"Sorry to wake you," Angeal murmured, leaning in the door rather than coming into the room. "But I have no idea what I just did."

"What happened?"

"Loz took one look at me and ran away screaming."

Tifa groaned and rubbed her eyes.

"Did he go to his room?"

"I think so, yes."

"I'll handle it, then."

"Thank you."

Angeal closed the door, leaving Tifa in the warm semi-darkness of her bedroom once more. She briefly considered just going back to sleep, then decided that whatever it was, it couldn't wait.

Loz was indeed in his bedroom, stripped naked and frantically pawing every bit of his body he could reach, apparently looking for something.

"Loz?" Tifa ventured.

He jumped, then grabbed his pajama pants and wriggled back into them, looking distinctly guilty.

"Uh…hi."

"Hi. Mind telling me what all the screaming was about?"

"Nothing. Is Cloud back yet?"

Tifa shook her head. "He should be on his way to Corel by now. Won't be back for a few more days."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Is something wrong?"

"No." He began making his bed, taking care to get everything straight.

"So you've taken up screaming as a hobby, then?" Tifa suggested. "It's a little early in the morning for that."

"I said I was sorry," Loz muttered sulkily.

"I'd appreciate an explanation, Loz. And Angeal would like to know why you ran away from him."

Loz blushed clear to the tops of his ears.

"You can tell me, Loz. I won't laugh."

"He's _hairy_."

"What?"

"Angeal. He's…he's got hair all over. Something's wrong with him!"

Tifa blinked, momentarily dumbfounded.

"Loz, honey, it's normal to have body hair."

"I don't! Well…I have a little bit, but most of it's on my head and it doesn't look like _that_. Nobody else looks like him."

"You have very light hair, Loz. It makes any hair you have on your body hard to see. I bet you've got it on your arms and legs, don't you?"

Loz nodded slowly.

"But there's not much," he said. "It's really soft and you can hardly see it. Angeal-"

"Has dark hair, so you can see it very easily."

"But there's so _much_ of it! It's like…like…" Loz fumbled for an example that would properly convey the sheer quantity of body hair Angeal had. "Like he has a carpet on his chest!"

"Some men are like that, Loz."

"Nuh-uh! All the guys I've seen aren't."

Tifa sighed. "Look, honey, the Mako you and most of the guys you know have in your bodies can keep you from having a lot of body hair. Cloud comes from a family of very hairy men, but he has less body hair than I do because of the Mako. Zack, too. He can go for weeks without shaving and still have nothing more than a little stubble."

Loz crossed his arms and scowled at Tifa.

"Sephiroth doesn't have any either," he pointed out. "Or Yazoo, or Kadaj, or Denzel. Or Barret."

"Denzel is a little young for it, and so is Kadaj. And anyway, all three of you are partially Sephiroth, who doesn't have much hair to begin with. It's genetic for him, though- from Vincent's side of the family. And Barret's from a race that doesn't usually have a lot."

"Father doesn't have body hair either!"

"He's dead, Loz. Well…sort of, anyway."

"You're lying," Loz insisted. "Something's wrong with him and you don't want me to know because he's my friend and you think I can't handle it. I'm not a _baby_."

Tifa groaned. It was really too early for this.

"Loz, if I prove to you that it's perfectly normal for men to have hair in places other than on their head, will you believe me when I say that there is _nothing_ wrong with Angeal?"

Loz considered this for a moment, then nodded.

"Fine. Let me see what I can do, okay?"

"I cannot _believe _I agreed to this," Tseng muttered, readjusting his bathrobe.

"Awwww, whassa matter, bossman?" Reno teased. "Getting all modest on us?"

"Not all of us will strip for anything that moves, Reno," Rufus pointed out.

"But this ain't about sex. We're not even all the way naked."

"Because you're serving as an example to a kid who doesn't needta see a scrawny thing like you in the buff," Cid shot back. "He might think he's supposed t' be skinny as you are."

"Hey, nature made me like this." Reno ran his hands down his chest and flat stomach as if displaying it. "With all the crap I eat, I oughta be bigger."

"That's because you're a freak of nature."

"Would both of you quit sniping at each other?" Rufus asked. "I have other things to do today, and I'd like to get through this as quickly as possible."

"Hey, are you guys ready?" Tifa leaned into the living room, trying to avoid looking at any of the nearly naked men who were in it.

"As ready as we're going to be, yo."

"Okay. Clothes off, I'll go get Loz."

"I'm stripping for an idiot's lesson on puberty," Tseng grumbled, removing the bathrobe and hanging it over the back of the couch. He was wearing silk boxers beneath it, which clung faintly to his skin.

Reno whistled appreciatively. "_Very_ nice."

"Do not make me remind you why I am Boss Turk in front of an impressionable minor, Reno."

"Is that an offer?"

"I don't need ta see any Turk lovin'! My life is complete without the therapy that'd require!" Cid yanked his t-shirt off and threw it at Reno, then dropped onto the couch with a grunt. "Let's just get this over with."

"We're supposed to be standing," Rude murmured. As usual, he had been quietly blending into the background, which was a feat for anyone wearing white boxers with little hearts scattered over them, let alone someone as large as he was.

"Yes, Rude, we know," Tseng sighed. He went to stand in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind him in an effort to resist the urge to cover himself. Reno followed him, though his hands hung at his sides. Cid, Rufus, and Rude followed suit.

"Okay, Loz, come in here. I want you to see something."

"Am I in trouble or something?"

"No, of course not. What would make you think that?"

"You're being awfully quiet."

"You're not in trouble."

"Okay."

Angeal padded into the living room and fell into parade rest at the end of the line just in time to be in place when Tifa led Loz into the living room.

Reno managed to turn a snicker into a cough when he saw the look on Loz's face. The confused Remnant looked from man to man, taking in the range of body hair, from thick and abundant to delicate peach fuzz, appearing on chests, following the line of bodies to vanish into undergarments, on forearms, and under arms.

"I don't understand," he said softly.

"Hair is normal," Tifa explained, coaxing him further forward. "See? Angeal isn't the only one with a lot of it. Have a look at Cid."

Loz obediently padded over to Cid, staring at the blonde curls that graced his upper chest. They didn't quite make it below his ribcage.

"Are you sure?" he asked, almost reaching out to touch and then yanking his hand back. "It's okay?"

"Of course it's okay."

"Then why don't they have as much as Cid and Angeal do?" Loz pointed at the remaining men.

"Come here," Tifa sighed. She went to stand in front of Reno, knowing he had nothing against being touched. "He's got hair, see?" And he did- Reno sported a treasure trail as eye-catchingly bright as his ponytail, though he had very little hair anywhere else.

"But…it's just there," Loz mumbled. "He could shave it off."

"Eew," Reno muttered. "Shaving's weird. Ya get all prickly and shit. Feel if you don't believe her."

Loz nodded and ran one massive hand over Reno's chest, finding no trace of the telltale pricklyness of stubble.

"Okay, so he's normal. But what about Tseng? He doesn't have any. Like me."

"Most Wutain people have very little body hair," Tseng murmured, trying very hard to avoid meeting Loz's eyes. "I'm supposed to be like this."

Loz headed over to Rufus next, staring at him as if expecting an immediate explanation for Rufus' lack of abundant body hair. When he didn't get one, he pawed at Rufus, checking for hair.

"Excuse me," Rufus said acidly. "That's my body you're manhandling."

"You're not Wutain, you're not like me, and you're not hairy," Loz pointed out. "Are _you_ sick?"

"I was. Growing body hair is one of the many natural bodily processes that Geostigma threw out of whack for me. It is also one of the few that has not righted itself since I recovered."

"But there's hair on your head."

"I never said I understood how it all worked."

"Did you have hair before?"

Reno snorted. Tseng elbowed him in the ribs.

"I had some, yes."

"How much?"

"I don't remember."

"Why don't you remember?"

Rufus sighed. "Loz, I didn't put much thought into it. Very few people do, and as a blond, I had even less reason to care, because whatever body hair I _did _have was so pale it was extremely difficult to see."

Loz moved off down the line. He blinked at Rude for a minute, taking in the scattering of hair on his body and the distinct lack of it on his head. Rude decided it would be best to explain himself _before_ Loz opened his mouth and asked.

"I shave my head. I don't shave anything else."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you shave your head?"

"Because I work with things that explode and I spend too much time around Reno. Hair is flammable. It's safer not to have any."

"Do you like being bald?"

"I don't mind it."

"Can I feel?"

Tifa gave Rude a very significant look over Loz's shoulder. Rude sighed.

"I supposed."

Loz reached up at once and rubbed Rude's head. "That's weird," he said. "It's all…rough. Like a cat's tongue."

"That happens."

"How come you don't shave all the other hair off too?"

"Because it would take too much time, and after enough burns, I don't have any on my arms anymore. Since that's the only place I regularly get too close to open flames, there's no need to shave."

"You don't have hair on your arms?" Loz grabbed Rude's arm and felt it. "Oh. You don't."

"Told you."

Finally, Loz edged down to Angeal.

"So…this is _normal_?" he asked.

"Yes, Loz, it is."

"And it's not gonna happen to me?"

"It's very unlikely."

"Oh. Okay."

"The rest of you guys can go," Tifa murmured. "Thanks for the help."

The line broke up as the collected men fetched their clothes and dressed. It didn't take Tifa long to notice that Loz was still eyeing Angeal with a very odd expression.

"Loz? Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing's _wrong_, I just…nothing."

"Just what?"

"Doesn't he get _hot_?"

Tifa sighed. "I don't know. Go ask him if you want to know."

"Do I have to?"

"_Yes. _Now _go_."


End file.
